Anyone else use a bidet?

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Home of the Cincinnati Criminals.
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Is that the thing you and Jman use to wash after the dirty deed?
 

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Using portable one right now on kitchen table. Lazy Susan could not accommodate Thanksgiving bounty so had to break out Bidet. When company comes over they are highly impressed...I can tell by the way their jaws drop.%^_
 

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Why did you pose those *** wine books? Trying to get tar tars attention?

It was either those mags or these...

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There is something about the pic that seymour posted that makes me uncomfortable.

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EL BANDITO
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I dont like the looks of that thing..It has fagggot written all over it..On the other hand I do beleive 90% of the human race walks around with dirty asses..I do not even buy toilet paper..My shower head handle is removable soo you can clean yourself extra good ( Shower head point blank at the ass etc)..When I poop I drop my draws..step in the shower and wash my ass otherwise 5 minutes later my ass hole feels irritated..

My female roomates have recently admitted they use the shower head on massage mode to masterbate..I kept finding the thing on massage mode ( which I do not use) and now I know why..

POOP GRENADES TOO:..Like I have written before..Sometimes to conserve septic tank space I shit in the front yard..First I pull the hose all the way where I am hidden from view if any of my 3 female roomies comes out suddenly, or from one of thems window view..Then I turn on the garden hose..I kneel over and shit in my hand..I immediately throw it over the hedge into the middle of the street..It gives me a strange euphoric feeling knowing my neighbors will be driving and walking by my poo poo..In the past few years I would hurdle the poop grenade over the hedge into the neighbors yard..then one night he parked one of his cars in a different locaation and when I threw the poop grenade over the hedge at 2 in the morning I heard a large mettalic thud and a car alarm go off..

When I left the house later that day I saw my neighbor swearing and scraping shit that had dried like concrete off of his minivan hood with his hose and a paint scraper..I asked him "what the hell happened?" he replied " some god damned dog or cat took a shit on my hood"..I replied " that sucks" and drove off knowing all along that it was my shit..So now I throw all my poop grenades in the center of the street ( my dogs may eat it if I leave it in my yard) and than I wash my ass with my garden hose..I hold it point blank to my ass hole and put a finger over the tip of the hose to build pressure and the water goes a little up my ass to clean out the left overs..this leaves your ass squeaky clean and avoids anal irritation:103631605
 

NES

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Ive heard this story before I believe but thinks for the re-fresher, now back to the question at hand. Bidets, I fucking love em. Dont have one now but they are the best thing since fried okra if you ask me.
 

EL BANDITO
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Ive heard this story before I believe but thinks for the re-fresher, now back to the question at hand. Bidets, I fucking love em. Dont have one now but they are the best thing since fried okra if you ask me.
Yeah but I added the females use the shower head to masterbate and I now throw the poop grenades in the street..not the neighbors yard..anyone who has paid to have their yard dug up and their septic tank emptied knows why..

Hello Mr Nes:howdy:
 

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How to Use a Bidet

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Chances are, if you're traveling through Europe, Latin America, East Asia, or the Middle East, you'll eventually encounter a bidet in the bathroom. It's traditionally a basin near the toilet that's used to clean the genitals and anal area after using the toilet or whenever a "freshening up" is needed. While your first encounter with a bidet can be a little daunting, they are actually very simple (and hygienic) to use.
[edit] Steps


  1. Use the toilet first. The purpose of the bidet is to help clean off after toilet use. While some people believe that using a bidet is a hygienic substitute for toilet paper, many choose to use both.
  2. Straddle the bidet. On most standalone bidets you can either face the bidet's water controls or you can face away from them, as you would on a toilet. It is easier to control the flow and temperature of the water if you face the controls, but if you are wearing pants you will generally need to remove them in order to straddle the bidet in this manner. There are a variety of bidet designs, so the configuration of the jets and the area of your body that you wish to clean may dictate which way you need to face.

  3. Adjust the temperature and jet strengths for comfort. If the bidet has both hot and cold water controls, start by turning on the hot water. Once it's hot, add the cold water until you have a comfortable temperature. (In normally hot climates, such as the middle east, you should start with the cold water. The water will not need time to heat up and you may end up burning sensitive areas if you turn the hot water on first.)
    • Be very careful when turning on the water, as many bidets can produce a very high jet of water with only a slight turn of the control.
    • Be sure that you know where the water will be coming from ahead of time, or you could end up with a surprise shower.
    • You may find that you need to hold the control to keep the jets on.
  4. Position yourself over the water jets so that the jets hit the desired area. For some bidets you can continue to hover above the bidet or you can sit down on it. Note that most bidets don't have seats, but are still meant to be sat upon; you just sit directly on the rim. Some bidets do not have jets, but instead simply have a faucet that fills the basin, as you would fill a sink basin.
  5. Clean anal area and/or genitals. Generally, you simply allow the jets to clean the desired area without having to use your hands. If there are no jets, you will need to use your hands to assist in bathing. You can use soap if you want to, applying it just as you would in the shower.
  6. Dry your skin. Some bidets have a built-in air dryer that you can use. For others, simply pat dry with toilet paper. Many bidets have a towel on a ring positioned next to the bidet, but this is often intended for drying hands.

  7. Rinse out the bidet. Once you are off the bidet, run the jets at very low pressure for a few seconds to rinse the basin and keep the bidet fresh.
  8. Wash your hands with soap and water, as you would any time after using the toilet.



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  • A bidet built into the toilet. This one is in Japan, where automatic built-in bidets are extremely popular.


    The steps for using a modern bidet that is built into the toilet are essentially the same as those described above except that you simply remain seated on the toilet to use the bidet. These may be electronically controlled, or they may have controls positioned next to the user. Some of these include two nozzles, a short one for washing the anus, and a longer one that women can use to wash their genitals; others have one nozzle with two settings.

  • A bidet that can be installed in a toilet


    You can also buy a bidet to install on your own toilet. Some of these require electricity, but others don't.


  • Some additional benefits of using a bidet are:
    • People with limited mobility, such as the elderly, disabled, or ill can use a bidet to maintain cleanliness when using a bathtub or shower is uncomfortable or dangerous.
    • They are especially helpful for people with hemorrhoids, since they reduce the amount of repetitive wiping that is needed.
    • The use of a bidet can help women to prevent or minimize the occurrence of yeast infections or vaginitis.
    • You can use a bidet to quickly wash your feet.
  • Some countries are especially known for having bidets: South Korea, Japan, Egypt, Greece, Italy, Spain, France, Portugal, Turkey, Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Uruguay, Venezuela, Lebanon, and India.
 

NES

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The masterbation part was a nice addition, welcome home Denniz.
 

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